Pathological Demand Avoidance

Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA, strikes me as a strange label, especially in the context of neurodiverse-affirming approaches. It sounds to me like a designation that should be whispered in a solemn voice; an incurable affliction of the mind that would find a person committed to a basement cell of a crumbling psychiatric hospital to keep the rest of society safe from an unmanageable, possibly violent sufferer. Perhaps the inmate should be subject to hard labour or penance until they awake to the necessity of accepting demands. Because that should work, right? I hope my sarcasm is apparent by now.

That really is an unfortunate image for a concept that I have found very helpful. A quick google search tells me that the idea of PDA as a particular presentation of autism has existed since the 1980s, but it still seems relatively unknown. I wasn't introduced to this term until well after Oranguette's autism diagnosis, and well after encountering a number of professionals who really should have been PDA informed. PDA is not (or at least not yet) an official diagnosis, at least in my neck of the forest. There is still a lack of consensus as to whether PDA can occur outside of the context of autism or not. Despite the evolving nature of this profile, many of the ideas it encompasses make a lot of sense to me intuitively.

My lay-orangutan's understanding (with apologies for what is surely a butchering of a much better explanation provided to me) is this: navigating the world places a lot of demands on autistic individuals, compared to neurotypical people for whom the world is designed. We can quickly use up our capacity to deal with any sort of demands, which can result in a resounding "no" of one sort or another whenever additional demands are placed on us. Because we just can't. There's nothing left in the tank. I have also heard PDA referred to as a nervous system disability. As a parent, I have found that a very useful reframing. These paradigm shifts then allows us to ask why, and to dig deeper to understand and manage the underlying causes, in the spirit of the Barry Prizant's Uniquely Human book that I talked about in another post. That's much more useful than simply labelling a child noncompliant.

The PDA Society of the UK has a comprehensive and highly informative website with some much better explanations of all things PDA-related.

PDA is closely tied to themes of anxiety, autonomy, and control. Like anything neurodiversity-related, it presents as a spectrum. Ironically, Oranguette is often a rule-bound people-pleaser, until demands engulf her, at which point her PDA traits become very apparent. I will note that she has always known her own mind and had a strong need for autonomy. You know, one of those traits that we admire in adults but involves a lot of letting go and grey fur as parents.

That ties in nicely to my next point. Of all the handouts I have amassed on autism, mental health, parenting and the like, the two sheets that can be downloaded here hold pride of place in a conspicuous spot in my kitchen. To some extent, I've always gravitated towards this sort of low-demand parenting approach. As I noted in this post, behaviourally-based, compliance-focused parenting approaches have never worked for us. Yet even for me, who fancies myself a free-thinking and somewhat unconventional orangutan despite admittedly being drearily conventional on the outside, letting go of unnecessary expectations has made me confront a lot of my internalized ableism and problematic societal norms. Especially around schooling! That is a subject I will be returning to.